Yes, it’s a futurama quote..

“When you do things right, people won’t be sure you’ve done anything at all.”

Cartoons are my safe haven and quite often have a huge impact on my inspiration and epiphanies. This line from futurama has been stuck in my head lately. It’s a direct quote from what could possibly be God smashed with a computerized space probe (see episode Godfellas) after Bender realizes that the more he tries to make life better for the little people living on his chest, the more he hurts them. When he tries to stop “helping” they resent him and then just destroy each other.

Excellent episode aside, my takeaway from this line is that to truly make an impact you must let go of the idea of getting any credit. To actually help anyone or make a change you have to set aside any personal benefit. Your energy is more persuasive than your words so without the right intentions, your message won’t come through clearly. The biggest chain reactions can be set off without a word. Sometimes just being a good example and keeping your energy positive is all it takes. Even if people never realize that you’re the one who sparked something in them; even if you never know the good you’ve caused true altruism does not listen for applause. You have to be a good person even with no one watching. Accepting your own dark parts and working on them first is the best way to start changing the world. The only way to really leave the mark of your life is through the death of your ego.

self discovery

Damn alphabet soup.

I guess I start back up every year around the same time. Every December. Maybe it’s to fight seasonal depression and throw myself into creativity. Maybe it’s to get ahead of the coming year and start on a more productive foot. Who knows? I guess some part of me knows. Something knows why I keep coming back to blogging even though I’m never consistent. I love writing and I’ve truly missed it, so I need to stop framing it as a chore in my own mind. What am I afraid of? I’ve formed habits less enjoyable than writing. But then again that’s it isn’t it? Anything we do on a schedule is usually not something we do voluntarily. Not usually anyway. These days it’s a march of work schedules, bill schedules, class schedules, etc. While not all jobs and classes are necessarily a chore, it’s one’s own level of enthusiasm that takes the grind out of the task.

Thinking of things in the same category as bills and better spending habits can make even the most fun activity seem draining. Trying to add the same amount of effort and structure to something recreational instantly gives me anxiety because consistency is something I’ve struggled with my whole life.

So, long story short, no rules motherfucker. You might see me here, you might not. Just because I’m not great at one part doesn’t mean I have throw blogging away entirely. I’m doing my best and when I am here I’m going to truly enjoy my time. Not stress so much the words turn into soup. I’m me, flaws and all. For once, I truly a accept that.